Wizard's Kama Sutra
by oddkravania
Summary: After sharing their first Defence Against the Dark Arts class together, Patsy and Delia get set some extra work to do in the restricted section of the library, however, that's not the only thing Delia wants to do. Also on Archive of Our Own under the title 'Homework in the Restricted Section'.


As fourth year began, Delia Busby was eager to meet her new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Moody - an actual auror! All she'd heard so far was the news of who would teach them, and that they would be sharing the class (her favourite class) with the Ravenclaw students, for the fourth year in a row.

Even though she was eager to go to her lesson, a small incident in the Hufflepuff common involving two kilos of bread, a jinxed broom, and half a jar of honey, meant that she arrived late to her first class with Professor Moody, and had to sit down in the only remaining seat - next to a red-headed Ravenclaw, whom she didn't particularly know anything about, other than that the girl was rather good at charms, and was known for being quite brusque with those few friends she did have. She gave a polite smile before the Professor entered the class.

"For hells sake, you lot got your books out too, have you? I told yesterdays class that you're here for the practical show: you're not going to learn how to counter a Levicorpus curse simply from reading about it, are you?" As he spoke, Moody sat on the front of his desk, pushed his mangy, grey hair out of the way, and called the register, his swivelling eye fixing upon each student as they answered.

"Right, so, you've learned about boggarts, Red Caps, hinkypunks, yadda, yadda, yadda, but what you don't really know about is curses. So I'm going to bring you up to scratch, teach you how to actually understand the Dark Arts, before you fail your O.W.L.s next year. Hopefully you'll be a little more teachable than the Griffindors and Slitherin wet blankets I had yesterday."

He paced to the front of the room and pulled a jar out of his desk, and as he spoke, out crawled a fleshy, black spider. Delia had to check herself from grimacing - she's in a class for battling the dark arts, she shouldn't really be scared of spiders, for goodness sake.

"So then, curses. What do we know? They come in many strengths and forms, but I'm only really supposed to show you countercurses and leave it at that. However, you've got the guts of sixth years, so you can see what they get to see: today I'm going to give you an introduction in illegal Dark curses.

"So, do any of you know which three curses are most heavily punishable by law?"

Out of the few hands which were raised, one shot up a little faster than the rest, the red-head seated next to me.

"Miss Mount."

"The unforgivable curses."

"Which are…?"

"The killing curse, the imperious curse, and…" Patsy hesitated before continuing, "…the Cruciatus curse."

"Very well done Miss Mount, three points to Ravenclaw."

Patsy gave a half-smile of thanks, hidden behind sad eyes.

The professor turned around, pointed at one of the spiders, and incanted "imperio!

"This little curse grants me full control, anything I want."

The room went silent as he forced the foul, little spider into a spiral acrobatics.

"Hm, lets see, what shall we do now? Cruciatus perhaps?"

Patsy stiffened as he said the spell, "Crucio!" At this, the spider's legs bent up into its body, and the whole thing began to twitch in spasming convulsions. At first Delia watched the spider, but then she had to look away from the horrid sight. As she did this, she noticed Patsy's state. Of course, many people would be expected to react in this way, at seeing the Cruciatus curse in action, but Patsy was known for her untight nature, and as much as Delia had rarely spent time with the girl, she had certainly never seen her as squeamish. The red-head had gone paler than her natural tone, eyes fixated ahead, on the spider, with mouth tight shut and hands in fists, with one clutching at the lapel near her throat. When the girl swallowed, Delia noticed her irregular breathing - as if there was some personal reason for fearing the curse.

At this point, Delia couldn't take it anymore - she yelled "stop!"

Moody rolled his eyes and pointed his wand back at the spider, "Avada Kedavra." The spider died.

"Not like that. You can't just do that, you can't just kill it," Delia responded to his actions.

"Well then, Miss Busby, I'm sure if you knew any counter curses, you would indeed have been able to stop the spider's death. Alas, however you do not. But do not fear. You shall learn. Before next week's class, Miss Busby, Miss Mount, you shall both be required to submit an essay on countering each of the fifty curses mentioned in Torrin Ebaheart's 'Curses and Counters for Serious Believers'."

"But surely that is in the restricted section, sir?" Patsy asked, as she had regained her composure.

"Indeed, it is, which is why you will need this note." with a flick of his wand, a permission note flipped out of his pocket and landed on their desk.

After this, the lesson moved on, and this incident became practically forgotten. Though, at the end of class, Patsy spoke to her Delia for the first time to arrange a time to meet up; they would go to the library together the next day.

* * *

They met outside the library, the next evening, and showed Madam Pince their note, to allow entry to the restricted section. It was, of course, empty, apart from the two of them.

After about half an hour of looking across numerous shelves, Patsy spoke, "Right, I'm just going to put this out there and say, that these shelves have no order, whatsoever."

"I must say, that I'm coming to agree with you on that fact." Delia replied. "Perhaps we should think of some better method of searching?"

"I'll start on these shelves and you start on those?" Patsy asked questioningly, and Delia agreed with a smile, before starting on her task. She was glad that Patsy wasn't annoyed about their extra task, and she was also unknowing to that fact that Patsy was thankful for asking her to stop.

As she looked at each book's spine, Patsy audibly read the names of each author aloud, and Delia could swear that at one point she heard her say something about "heterosexual men and their obsessions with bloody fungi" - the Hufflepuff barely had a chance to stifle her laugh; she supposed the girl was probably worth getting to know beneath that pristine exterior.

After another hour of searching, Delia appeared behind an unknowing Patsy.

"You know, Justin Finch-Fletchley reckons the keep 'adult' books in here," she said, with an extra wiggle of her eyebrows to emphasise the word 'adult'.

"Really, Delia, I rather doubt that. This is Hogwarts after all."

"Do you not think they'd keep a first edition of 'The First Rule in Uniting Yin and Yang' in here?"

"I seriously doubt it."

"What about 'Lesser Known Potions for Lacking Libido'?

"No."

"'Thompkin's Guide to Spells of the Womb'?"

"Certainly not. How do you even know all these books, anyway?"

Delia shrugged in answer to the question, but then her attention was quickly diverted, "ooh, look, that one over there looks quite dirty!"

Patsy gave out a loud sigh (though her face showed more amusement than annoyance) as Delia pulled out a copy of 'Magicke Most Evil', which although it probably contained more than a few curses, was not the book either of them was looking for.

"Seriously Delia, what's it going to take to stop you looking for weird sex books, because, no, I don't think 'The Wizard's Kama Sutra' is in the restricted section. Really, what is wrong with you?"

"Hm, let me think a second… nope, I'm bored - nothing shall stop me on my quest for weird sex books!"

"Well, you're not going to find any."

"You want to bet?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then, If I can find "The Wizard's Kama Sutra', then you owe me one kiss."

"Sure, but what do I get when you fail?"

"...My full attention…?" replied Delia, and both girls laughed.

"Okay then, you're on." The girls even shook hands to seal the deal.

Unfortunately for Patsy (or perhaps more fortunately), Delia found the book she was looking for within the next five minutes.

"You knew where that was." Patsy accused.

But Delia wasn't having any of that, "I believe you owe me one kiss, Miss Mount", and a kiss is what she gave her. Their mouths flew together in passion, and when they were forced to take breath, Patsy went back for more.

"Excuse me, Miss Mount, but I could have sworn I asked for one kiss only!"

"Do be quiet Delia, and for goodness sake, open that bloody book."

Delia gave a hungry smirk and did as she was told. Torrin Ebaheart's 'Curses and Counters for Serious Believers' could wait until another day. Oh, and she must remember to thank Justin Finch-Fletchley somehow; as of now, she owed him a lot.


End file.
